Hell, As Hot

So it's got to be about 98 degrees outside today. If 666 is the most evil number in existence, 98 must be the second-most evil. Think about it... it's a terrible temperature for the weather. The temperature of the human body is approximately 98 degrees, and we can be really mean to each other. And who can forget (but would really like to!) the boy band 98 Degrees?! Goodness...Which leads me to thinking. Today, I heard someone use the term "hot as hell" to describe our current weather pattern. And this led to the thought, you know, the current translations of the Bible must have been written by northerners. "Hot as hell" is a very appropriate descriptor, for to us, heat is a stifling and unbearable proposition, a climate reserved for reptiles... reptiles not unlike the snake in the Garden of Eden. We northerners have a very clear idea of the torment afforded us by hot weather, and therefore have a healthy fear of hell. In contrast, such references to the flames of hell, lakes of fire, and other ideas of hell being a hot place are simply lost on residents of warmer, more southerly climes. To them, it sounds like home. So how does one reach the souls of folks who are simply unaffected by the thought of being thrown into a lake of fire?I propose the creation of climate-specific translations of the Bible. Imagine being a resident of, say, the southern United States, a region where the temperature rarely dips below 80 degrees. You're handed a Bible, the New Southern Standard Version, and you begin reading that the wages of sin is death, and death is being thrown into an eternal lake of ice water? Or the story about how Eve was tempted in the Garden by a cunning and evil polar bear? Or the story of Shadrach, Mishech and Abednego, the triumvirate of martyrs whose horrific punishment was to be placed in the kingdom's largest deep-freezer? It's enough to bring even the hardest-core Floridian to his or her knees! ...which is the general idea, saving all of humanity in the most climatologically-correct manner possible.I am SO going to freeze in an ocean of icebergs for this one...

Website Woops

Apparently the link I gave for our website on The Knot is a no-go. Let's try this:

Joanna & Ian's Wedding Webpage!

If this doesn't work, I quit.

Thoughts On The First Week, Or, How To Feel Good About Yourself Using MySpace

So ends the first week of this MySpace experiment. As my social point total stands at 31, I'd like to take this time to thank everyone for not rejecting my friend requests and for actually taking the time to read my info, my pics, and for leaving responses and comments. I feel welcomed into the world of MySpace. Now, in Week 2 of the experiment, I will try to leave more comments on all of your pages, and maybe even actually trying to talk to some of you, instead of just adding you as my friend and then bragging about the circumfrence of my online social circle...

As for happenings in the southwest corner of the known world, it's HOT. I suppose this is what all those people up here who complain about winter dream of on a regular basis. Blazing sunshine and a humidity factor that makes a Swedish sauna feel like the Gobi Desert. It's the perfect day to sit out in the sunshine and sip a Mocha Frappuccino. Or, in my case, stay in my almost-perfect 73 degree apartment and muse on MySpace, dreaming of October crisp and January white.

If you folks are bored this summer, you can hop on over to me and Joanna's wedding webpage and sign our guestbook, so we at least get the idea that people are reading it...

http://www.theknot.com/ourwedding/IanCampbell&JoannaMcSpadden

That's it for now...

A Sign Of The Times

Alright, so I was paid to do this. Yes, the price of 1 pent was enough to get Ian to make a MySpace, as he never would have done it of his own accord. If these are indeed end times, this is surely a sign...

Anyway, this is my first blog. I don't think I'll do this very often, but we'll see... I've come to understand that MySpace is as addictive as any narcotic, and as hard to quit as Diet Coke.

So what have I been up to? I've been back living in Minnesota for a year now, after a yearlong exodus to Milwaukee. I'm living in Eden Prairie with my brother Geoff. After two and a half years, two states, and 17 stores I recently jumped ship from Caribou Coffee and am now working for Starbucks in Hopkins. I am also engaged to be married to an old friend from my Youth Alive days in high school, Joanna McSpadden. The date is set at January 6, 2007.

So that's what's in the proverbial nutshell, what's up with everyone else?